Raunchy Relationships and Saucy Secrets
by Saiyajin no Oojo
Summary: Vegeta's family and friends have a few things to reveal to him today on the Jerry Springer show.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** I do not own DB/DBZ/DBGT or their characters; I earn no profit from these stories.

**Author's Note:** Well, Vegeta has been called onto the show by Trunks (who is 18) to talk about their father-son relationship.

Vegeta "What about it? I think we have a perfectly good father-son relationship!"

Oojo "Uh-huh, I'm sure you think you have a great relationship with Bulma too."

Vegeta "And I do!…Not that it's any of your damn business."

Oojo "Well, that's not what Bulma tells me."

Vegeta "…What did she tell you? And why are you talking to my mate?"

Oojo "Hey! I'm the author here! I can talk to whomever I want to! And if you really wanna find out what Bulma said then read on my dear Veggie-kins." Grins mischievously

Vegeta sweat drops

**Raunchy Relationships and Saucy Secrets**

The scene opens up in the Jerry Springer studio where the crowd are chanting "Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!" as Jerry Springer himself makes his way out to start the show…

"Hello and welcome to today's show! Today's topic is 'Raunchy relationships and saucy secrets!"

(Crowd oohs) 

"Before we begin, I'd like to welcome our special guest security member; Goku!"

The crowd applauses and Goku stands up from the front row wearing a black Jerry Springer shirt with jeans, scratching the back of his head and flashing his goofy grin.

"Gee, thanks for having me Jerry! It's an honour to be here." He says modestly.

"No problem Goku, Steve deserves a day off and we received a tip off from today's first guest that we may have a **particularly** violent guest that you're familiar with handling later tonight."

(Crowd oohs and hoots with excitement and Goku sits back down.)

"So, let's meet our first guest! Please welcome Trunks to the show!" Jerry gestures to the lavender haired young man shifting nervously in his chair on stage.

"Uh, hey Jerry. Great to be here."

"Now Trunks has come here today to finally confront his father, Vegeta, about their relationship. So tell us Trunks, what's going on?"

"Well Jerry, it's kinda like this. My father and I aren't very close; he's not the emotional type ya know? And it was always so difficult for me growing up. All the other kids would do all this stuff with their dads and he would never do anything but train in the same room as me. It cuts deep and I understand it's difficult for him to show emotion but he doesn't even try to. So I'm here today to tell him how I feel and to ask him to try to help improve our relationship."

"Ok, so let's bring him out!" Jerry signals for Vegeta to be allowed on stage.

The audience begin to boo and hiss and Vegeta soon walks on stage wearing his leather pants and black muscle shirt. Half of the audience change to wolf whistling and hooting (mostly females) as he walks over to his chair and sits down with his arms crossed and usual scowl.

"Welcome to the show Vegeta!"

Vegeta just grunts in response. "Well you were brought on here today because your son, Trunks, would like to ask something of you. Go ahead Trunks."

Trunks turns to Vegeta in his chair and Vegeta looks at him out of the corners of his eyes, not bothering to turn around to face him.

"Well dad, I uh…brought you here today to…"

"Spit it out boy! I haven't got all day ya know! I want to get off of this stupid show as soon as possible!"

"Well, I know that you find it…difficult to show emotions but I want you to try to be nicer to me. You know, to treat me more like a son and not just some kid that happens to live and train in the same building as you. I want us to do father-son stuff…like Goten and Goku." He gestures over to Goku who's sitting in the front row twiddling his thumbs and grinning at them.

"…Let me get this right…you want me to act more like Kakarot?"

"Well…sometimes, yeah."

Vegeta abruptly gets up and pounces at Trunks in fury of punches and kicks. Like a flash Goku is quickly on him pulling him away from Trunks who is now flat on his back gasping for air. Meanwhile the crowd are chanting Jerry's name and are loving every second of the violence on stage.

"Grr, get off me Kakarot!"

"No can do little buddy. Not until you calm down and take a seat."

"Fine! Just stop touching me!" he sits down with a humph and crosses his arms as Trunks is helped back to his chair which is now placed strategically further away from his own.

'As if that'll do him any good.' Vegeta thought maliciously to himself.

Goku settles back down and the chanting quietens to a stop as Jerry lifts his microphone to speak.

"Vegeta, why did you attack him like that?"

"He **dared** ask me to act like that third class half-wit!" He points over to Goku. "That is an offence punishable by death in my opinion!"

"But you attacked your own son."

Vegeta looks a little puzzled. "…State your point human."

"See! This is exactly what I'm talking about! He treats me just like another opponent, not a son!" Trunks yelled from his seat.

"Shut up boy! Just wait till we get home, I'll give you a 'sparring' session you'll never forget for bringing me on this stupid show!"

"I knew you'd react this way! But that's fine I doubted that you'd actually comply, I was only using this as an excuse to get you on the show. I really have something else to tell you."

Vegeta raised a brow and looked over at Trunks, "Oh really…and what would that be?"

**Author's Notes: **Cue dramatic music What could Trunks have possibly brought Vegeta on the show to tell him?

Will the father-son relationship between Vegeta and Trunks ever improve?

Will Vegeta attack Trunks again?

Will I get the next chapter out by tomorrow night? (You bet your ass I will )

What horrors still await Vegeta on the show?

Will I ever get the lid off of the peanut butter jar?

Will Akira ever reveal just how Vegeta and Bulma got together?

Why doesn't my title show up in **bold** and size 14?

Why don't some of the italics work?

Will-

Vegeta "-YOU STOP ASKING SUCH STUPID QUESTIONS?"

Oojo rolls her eyes at him "Fine! Just for that!" She starts to type furiously on her laptop, creating the next chapter

Vegeta "Uh, Oojo? I didn't mean it…really!"

Oojo chuckles manically at him

Vegeta "…What did you just write?" Tries to peer over her shoulder and gasps "WHAT DID THAT JUST SAY?"

Oojo grabs her laptop up and holds it protectively "Ha! Wouldn't you like to know Veggikins! You're gonna have to read the chapter tomorrow just like everybody else."

Vegeta "Like hell." Starts chasing after Oojo and her beloved laptop

Oojo, running for her life "Log on again **tomorrow night** for the **next chapter**!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Last time:**

"I knew you'd react this way! But that's fine I doubted that you'd actually comply, I was only using this as an excuse to get you on the show. I really have something else to tell you."

Vegeta raised a brow and looked over at Trunks, "Oh really…And what would that be?"

"Well, every time you upset me as a kid I'd go and hang out with Goten to make myself feel better. He's always been there for me whenever you weren't! He'd comfort me and we'd talk for hours and hours until I felt better."

"And?" asked Vegeta, clearly becoming impatient.

"Well, we're in love."

(The crowd goes wild.)

"…What?"

"I said we're in love. We have been dating for over a year now."

"**WHAT!** WHY YOU LITTLE!"

Vegeta ran for him but was met halfway on stage by Goku who held onto him tightly whilst he continued to yell over his shoulder.

"YOU FILTHY LITTLE BRAT! ALL THIS TIME YOU'VE BEEN GOING OVER THERE YOU'VE BEEN DOING **THAT?** YOU LITTLE BASTARD! YOU'RE A DISGRACE TO **ME**, TO YOUR **MOTHER** AND TO YOUR **ENTIRE RACE**! I DISOWN YOU AS MY SON YOU SICK LITTLE-KAKAROT GET OFF OF ME! IM GONNA TEAR THE LITTLE BASTARD LIMB FROM LIMB!"

"Calm down Vegeta!"

"CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN! I JUST FOUND OUT MY SON IS A HOMOSEXUAL! HOW CAN YOU TELL ME TO CALM DOWN? Hey, wait!" He said suddenly, stopping his struggling against Goku.

"That means that your son Goten is gay too! Did you know about this Kakarot?" he asked quietly, narrowing his eyes dangerously.

"Well no, I just found out now like you did but tearing my son apart isn't my first reaction. As long as the boys are happy then I'm happy-and they're in love Vegeta! Isn't that great? Wow, if they could get married then we'd be in-laws! How cool is that?"

Vegeta shoved Goku away from him violently, "You have got to be kidding me Kakarot! This is disgusting! It's an abomination! A crime against nature and here you are happy about it?"

Goku grinned, "Well, yeah."

Jerry interrupted them, "It's time to meet our next guest! Let's bring out Goten!"

The crowd went wild as Goten made his way shyly out and went over to Trunks; the two hugged and sat down next to each other. Vegeta just paled and plopped himself down in his own chair holding his head in his hands.

Goten waved at his dad who had sat back down in the front row. "Hey dad. Sorry I didn't tell you sooner."

"That's ok son! I understand why you had to keep it quiet." He said gesturing over to Vegeta who looked about ready to vomit.

"Vegeta." Goten said turning to face the uncharacteristically slumped prince. "I know this is very difficult to accept but I hope that in time you can find it in your heart to do so. You have a great son and I love him deeply."

"SHUT UP YOU LITTLE HALF-BREED! You did this to my son didn't you! You turned him fruity!" He said standing up and pointing an accusing finger at Goten. Goku braced himself for any violent outbursts. "I should have known better then to allow my son over to play with something that Kakarot had a hand in creating!" he yelled sitting back down.

"Let's bring out our next guest! Trunks' mother and Vegeta's…uh, 'mate;' Bulma!"

(The crowd cheer again and on walks Bulma wearing a red robe that stops an inch above her knee.)

"Woman? What on Earth are you wearing? You look like shit." He smirked. "Is that the fashion now a days?"

(The crowd ooh'd.)

"I wouldn't know you set the standard." She shot back sitting down in the chair next to him.

(The crowd ooh'd again.)

"Bulma has been listening backstage and is now aware of her son's chosen sexuality. How do you feel about this?" Jerry asked.

"Well, it's like Goku said. If Trunks is happy…" She looked over at him affectionately. "Then I'm happy."

(Crowd ahhs.)

"Aww, thanks mom." He said standing up and gesturing for a hug. She walked over to him and they hugged lovingly.

"Thanks for understanding Bulma, I promise to take good care of Trunks." Said Goten sincerely from his seat.

"Hey you'd better or you'll have me to deal with!" she said playfully. They all laughed, including Goku from his position in the front row.

"Uh, Hello? Crazy people?" Vegeta interrupted. "Am I the only sane person here!"

Bulma and Trunks sat down again and Bulma took Vegeta's hand comfortingly in hers.

"Look Vegeta, regardless of what you may think about this situation Trunks is still our son, we will always love him and vice versa. We may as well just get over the shock now and support him for being honest with us."

"I wonder."

"Wonder what Vegeta?"

"If you can hear yourself when you speak. Because you sound like a complete fool to me."

(Crowd oohs whilst Bulma silently fumes.)

"Moving. On. Vegeta." She ground out, obviously trying to keep her own temper in check. "Trunks isn't the only one who brought you here to tell you something."

"…Well go ahead woman, it's not like it could get much worse for me right now."

"Well, Vegeta…honey. Um, you know how rich we are because of my father's company?"

"…Yes."

"Well, um. Not all of that money comes directly from the machines we make."

"Then where does it come from?" Vegeta asked narrowing his eyes dangerously.

**Author's Notes: **Cues the dramatic music once more Oh dear, looks like there are some dirty-doings going on at the Capsule Corporation. Where does the family's wealth truly come from? **Find out tomorrow night** Oh and I don't have anything against homosexuals or Trunks. I love Trunks!

Vegeta "Ahem, you love whom?"

Oojo rolls her eyes "I love you my almighty Prince Vegeta."

Vegeta "That's better."


	3. Chapter 3

**Last time:**

"Well, Vegeta…honey. Um, you know how rich we are because of my father's company?"

"…Yes."

"Well, um. Not all of that money comes directly from the machines we make."

"Then where does it come from?" Vegeta asked narrowing his eyes dangerously.

"Well, you know all those 'business negotiations' that I sometimes go to? Well, I sometimes have to do…certain things to help the negotiations along a little quicker. That's how we've made so much money so quickly."

"And what **exactly** do you do to help, huh?" Vegeta ground out; crossing his arms so tightly he was beginning to cut off the circulation to them.

"Well, I can show you instead." And on cue the lights dimmed and some sexy sounding stripper music was heard throughout the studio.

Bulma stood up and walked to the centre of the stage, "I'm going to need a volunteer from the audience…anyone willing?"

Immediately the men from the audience started standing up and yelling to be chosen. Bulma finally picked one from the third row. He was rather handsome with his blue eyes and shoulder length black hair. He was wearing jeans, a tight black shirt, an orange scarf and a huge grin. Though it quickly vanished when he stole a glance over at Vegeta who was sending a death glare his way.

"Now, if you'll just be so kind as to sit down in this chair here please." She gestured to a chair that had been set up for him at the front of the stage and he promptly sat himself down.

Bulma gave him a sly, seductive look and slowly peeled off her robe giving him teasing glimpses at her body underneath it and letting the crowd (and Vegeta) grow anxious to see just what she had beneath it, if anything.

She slowly turned to the audience and slid the robe off of one shoulder, then the other and then let the rest drop to a heap around her feet.

The crowd went mad with cheers, applause and wild hooting and she turned back around to fully reveal her scandalous outfit to Vegeta and her all to eager volunteer.

Vegeta just gaped at Bulma, frozen to his chair in shock. Bulma was wearing the tiniest see-through tube top in existence, it couldn't have been more then 4cm in width and had 'Capsule Corporation' in tactically placed opaque pink letters across it.

To match with her 'top' was a thong in the same pink colour used for the 'Capsule Corporation' lettering and across the back of the thong, written in the same see-through material used for her tube top was 'Negotiator.'

Bulma, taking advantage of Vegeta's temporary state of surprise, began swinging her hips hypnotically and running her hands seductively over her own body for her more-than-happy-to-oblige volunteer.

But Vegeta soon regained his composure, ran over to the volunteer's chair and kicked the back of it hard, sending the poor unsuspecting man flying 30 feet into the air and straight into the cheering audience.

Vegeta tried to fly after him to 'finish the job' but Goku soon caught him and tackled him back down to the ground.

The crowd was going absolutely wild and Bulma was screaming; the noise level in the studio was hitting an all time high. Despite the fact that Vegeta's face was being so closely introduced to the stage floor his cussing could still be clearly heard over all the other racket in the room.

"BITCH! SLUT! TRAMP! WHORE! SLAG! HOE! HARLOT! PROSTITUE!"

"Ok, Vegeta. Let's go." Goku said hauling Vegeta up from his pinned position on the floor.

"I CANT BELIEVE YOU'D DO THIS TO ME! I GAVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT! I GAVE YOU THE BENEFIT OF THE DOUBT WHEN YOU CAME HOME FROM THAT **'MEETING'** WEARING A RAINCOAT AND G-STRING!" He ranted as he was being dragged backstage.

"OH I WAS WEARING A SUIT BUT I GOT CHANGED BEFORE I CAME HOME SO THAT I COULD GIVE YOU A LITTLE SURPRISE!" He screamed in a high-pitched imitation of Bulma's voice. Goku shoved Vegeta through the doorway but his head soon peered around the doorframe again.

"I TRUSTED YOU HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME!"

"Enough Vegeta! Get back there!" Goku yelled pushing Vegeta's head back behind the doorframe.

"Ok, whilst Goku is just calming Vegeta down for us lets talk to Bulma. Please take a seat." Jerry politely gestured to her seat next to Vegeta's empty one.

Bulma sat back down again and mouthed a silent sorry to her volunteer who was being helped onto a stretcher.

"Now, do you blame him for reacting the way he did?"

A huge explosion sound followed by a colourful string of curses was heard from backstage.

"Uh…no, Jerry. I understand that this must be upsetting for him…but it's not like I sleep with any of these clients! I just dance for them! The money is **great** and it really helps the business out!"

(The crowd boo her)

"I'm talking thousands here! Don't tell me none of you would do the same if you were in my position!"

(The crowd boo her again)

"Oh! You don't even know me!" she yelled at them standing up.

(They begin to boo louder)

"Whatever! Whatever! Hey! You can kiss my ass you fat bitch! Who do you think you're booing? Just because you haven't got the body for it! Like mine!" she peeled down her tube top at the same moment Vegeta was being brought back on stage.

Shocked at her, he opened his mouth to yell but was quickly silenced when Goku slapped a hand across his mouth and dragged him back stage again.

"Uh, oops." Bulma said as she quickly pulled up her top again.

There was a lot of struggling sounds from backstage and Vegeta soon emerged again and silently sat down besides her. Goku soon followed and sat back down too, nursing a very nasty looking lump on his head.

"Welcome back Vegeta, are you a little more settled now?" asked Jerry.

Ignoring Jerry, Vegeta turned to Bulma who started fidgeting under his intense gaze.

"Have you even thought about our son?" he asked calmly.

"Oh, don't worry about me dad. I've known about it for ages and I'm cool with i-" Trunks quickly shut up as he saw the glare Vegeta was giving him.

"Shut up boy! I was asking your mother-and what the hell do you mean you knew about this?" he closed his eyes in irritation and took a deep breath. "Ok, ok. Never mind. What about **me** woman? How could you do this to me?"

"Vegeta, you know I love you with all my heart. This is just a job nothing more. I have never and will never sleep or touch any of these men. I just dance for them, that's all. I swear."

"Why do you do this? The company is so successful!"

"Well uh, I've always done this Vegeta. Since I was 16. I've always just done as I was told."

"As you were told? You **never** do anything you're told to do! Who's telling you to do this?" he asked getting riled up.

"Well, my pimp obviously."

"PIMP? YOU HAVE A PIMP? WHO IS HE? I'LL RIP THAT LITTLE ASSHOLE INTO PIECES TOO SMALL TO BE PICKED UP BY TWEZZERS!" He yelled standing up in anger.

"Lets bring out Bulma's pimp!" Jerry yelled.

(The crowd applauses as Bulma's pimp and one of his hoes walk out on stage.)

Vegeta just gaped as Bulma hugged her pimp and his other hoe hello. He was at a complete loss for words.

"Y-You? You're her pimp?" He asked.

**Author's Notes: **If ya haven't guessed already yes, the 'volunteer' is in fact Android 17. I have a little soft spot for him so I decided to add him in there. And poor Vegeta, how could things get any worse for our unlucky Prince? Find out in **tomorrows chapter**

Vegeta "Must you make my written life a living hell?"

Oojo "…Yes. Yes I must."

Vegeta "You've already made my son gay, had him fall in love with Kaka-spawn 2 and turned my wife into a slutty stripper for business men. What else can go wrong?"

Oojo counts off all the things that could possibly go wrong for Vegeta on her fingers "I estimate about 204 more things could go wrong for you from this point."

Vegeta sweat drops

"But don't worry. I wont use **all** of them."

Vegeta relaxes slightly

cough "this-fic" cough


	4. Chapter 4

**Last time:**

"Lets bring out Bulma's pimp!" Jerry yelled.

(The crowd applauses as Bulma's pimp and one of his hoes walk out on stage.)

Vegeta just gaped as Bulma hugged her pimp and his other hoe hello. He was at a complete loss for words.

"Y-You? You're her pimp?" He asked.

"Well, who did you expect it to be?" asked Dr Briefs sitting down next to his wife.

He was wearing a long, caped, velvet jacket that was a violent purple in colour and trailed out about 2 feet behind him. Underneath he wore what would have been a very smart looking suit had it not have been such a disgusting mauve and on his head he wore a matching mauve hat, which an emerald feather sticking out of its band. Instead of his regular glasses he was now wearing overly decorated thick frames, around his neck he was wearing what must have been at least half his weight in solid gold chains and to top off his ensemble he carried with him a large gold cane with beautifullly intricate carvings all over it.

His hoe/wife had replaced her normal tight trousers with a black PVC pair and had replaced her normal striped tube top with a tight black one sporting a white playboy bunny logo across the front. (**A/N**: As a pun of her name, Bunny Briefs? Playboy bunny? Get it? Heh, I'm good )

Vegeta was too disgusted for words. 'God, I knew the woman had a bit of a fucked up relationship with her parents but…'

"She's your daughter! How can you exploit her like this? I could never do such a thing to **_MY_** little girl!"

"How can I exploit her like this? How could I **NOT** exploit her like this? Look at her body! She's a technical genius and is always putting that _brain_ to work but what about that _body_? It's absolutely flawless! Surely I should encourage my daughter to use _ALL_ of her assets right?" He asked the audience.

(The crowd boo's and yells abuse at him)

Vegeta meanwhile was powering up silently to take him out whilst he was busy cussing at some of the audience members.

"Vegeta, honey. Settle down." Bulma said laying a hand on his arm and pulling him back down to his seat.

"Settle down? But you're the one always bitching about your childhood and how your parents always just saw you as an heir to their company not a daughter! And here you are not only being used as an insurance policy for the future of the company but as a whore as well? How fucked up are you?"

Bulma shrugged. "Um…very?"

"This is fucking insane! Has the whole world gone mad?" he bellowed to no one in particular.

"Um, Vegeta. I know that you're kinda upset right now." Bulma started.

"No duh!"

"But I need you to calm down."

"WHY? Why should I bother with this shit? I should just blast the whole lot of you to hell and blow this whole damn studio up to save anyone else from being brought here to have their lives revealed to be far more fucked up then they had first thought! I may not be a merciful man but this-" he chuckled manically "this is completely insaiyane! (**A/N:** Why would Vegeta say in**_human_**e?) No one deserves this crap-hell, not even Freeza!" he yelled powering up to Super Saiyan.

Goku quickly transformed too. "Calm down Vegeta, its not that bad. Just sit down and talk out these issues rationally. That's the whole point of talk shows, to…ya know…talk…and stuff."

"You're right Kakarot, the point of a 'talk' show is it to talk things through but this is not a talk show. It's a freaking circus! Don't think I haven't seen an episode of this show before Kakarot! No one comes here to talk! They come here to swear and fight! And I believe I shall follow suit." He replied, crouching down in to a fighting stance.

"Uh, guys."

Both Goku and Vegeta turned around to face the neglected host.

"What?" They asked in unison.

"Please, the show isn't over yet and we need to discuss these new topics that have arisen." Before allowing them to reply he turned to Bulma. The two warriors shrugged and stood upright again. "Now that you have revealed what you have been doing to your husband-"

"Mate." Corrected Vegeta as he powered down and took a seat, Goku doing the same.

"Uh, right. Mate. And have seen his reaction do you intend to stop what you're doing?"

Vegeta gave Bulma one of his trademark do-it-or-die looks. "Well, I don't see why. The company may be doing well but it's a fun job and it earns a lot more pay then my inventor and technician job does."

"You will stop parading yourself for money woman, that is an order. Not a request."

"Hey! I'm her pimp and father and she will do what **_I_** say!" objected Dr Briefs.

"Hey! Back off old man!"

"Why you little-" he was cut off as Vegeta's fist came into contact with his face, breaking his magnificently over-decorated glasses. But as quickly as the fight started Goku stopped it and restrained Vegeta from killing the poor man.

Dr Briefs was taken backstage with a broken and bloody nose (not to mention a lot of glass fragments in his face) and Bunny followed him off. Trotting around in her own ditzy little world.

(The crowd are awed by the gore and are cheering Vegeta on.)

Things soon quietened down as Vegeta wrenched free of Goku's grip and reclaimed his seat next to a very shocked Bulma.

"Uh, ok so I guess that this issue is settled. Bulma will continue doing what she's doing right?" Asked Jerry, trying to close this explosive subject.

"Right."

"Wrong." The two glared at each other.

"Well uh, now that that problem has been…solved I believe that there was something else that Bulma wanted to tell you Vegeta. Go ahead Bulma."

Bulma softened her angry glower to a comforting gaze and gently took Vegeta's clenched hand in her own.

"…Shit." He muttered.

**Author's Notes: **I always knew Dr Briefs was a hardcore pimp, how else would he have such an attractive and young looking wife at his age?

Vegeta "Well, at least I got to punch him in the nose. And by the way this chapter is flawed bec-" Oojo slaps hand over his mouth

Oojo "Hush up Vegetable head, you're not supposed to point out my writing flaws!"

Vegeta "Mph mmph mph." Stops attempting to speak and removes Oojo's hand "Yeah well, you weren't supposed to torture me in this story-or any other for that matter! I'm your favourite character how can you treat me this way? I may as well have what pitiful revenge I can have against you!" Turns back to the audience "Did you notice that Oojo bothered to bring that ditzy woman, Bunny onto the show only to have her say absolutely nothing? No opinions about Bulma's 'job' or anything?"

Oojo "So what? The only time that woman speaks is when she's offering tea to someone! And I couldn't very well have her on stage offering tea now could I?"

Vegeta "Well, if you had been a better author then you would have been able to write that in! **And** manage to include what she thought of the whole Bulma situation!"

Oojo scowls at him and turns away from him to type up the next chapter on her laptop "Now you've done it Veggie-Chan. I was actually gonna let things go you're way next chapter but now…"

Vegeta "Oh please, you're just saying that! Either way you were gonna torture me next chapter too."

Oojo "No, actually I was gonna let you have a threesome with Bulma and Kakarot's mate…right in front of him."

Vegeta "…Really?"

Oojo "Yeah…but since I'm such a bad author I guess I just cant make it happen now can I?"

Vegeta grabs onto Oojo's legs and begins to plead with her.

Vegeta "Come on! Can't you take a joke? You're a great author! Really!"

Oojo "Uh-huh, we'll see."


	5. Chapter 5

**Author's Notes: **A special thanks to all those who reviewed and/or voted. It was a close call but the threesome idea prevailed! Wanna thank your loyal fans out there Vegeta?

Vegeta "…So I really get the threesome?"

Oojo "Yep, it's what the audience wanted."

Vegeta grins cheekily "Well, in that case I see no need to waste my time hunting down these losers." Incinerates list of reviewer names with his ki into nothing.

**Last time:**

"Well uh, now that that problem has been…solved I believe that there was something else that Bulma wanted to tell you Vegeta. Go ahead Bulma."

Bulma softened her angry glower to a comforting gaze and gently took Vegeta's clenched hand in her own.

"…Shit." He muttered.

"Well, Vegeta. I love you with all my heart-don't forget that! But like Trunks said, you have a lot of difficulty showing your emotions. Well, I knew that about you before I even got involved with you so it would be wrong of me to try and change that now. I thought that I could live with it, just _knowing _how you felt rather then hearing it or seeing it but recently I found out that…I cant."

"What are you saying Bulma?" Vegeta asked quietly, not particularly liking the way this was going.

"I'm saying that, I have needed to find that kind of emotional comfort somewhere else. I needed someone who could understand me and my feelings completely…Vegeta, I've…I've been cheating on you."

(The crowd let out a quiet ohh)

"WHAT? WITH WHO? YOU'RE WITH THAT PATHETIC WEAKLING AGAIN ARENT YOU! THE SCARRED ONE-YAMCHA!" Vegeta bolts up from his chair and quickly scans the crowd. Spotting Yamcha and the rest of the Z Team in the audience he flew right for him. (Well, spotting the 7ft tall, green coloured Namek wearing a turban and cape-who was much harder to miss and _then_ spotting Yamcha in on of the seats next to him.)

Stunned at the site of a very pissed, very pent up, very violent Saiyan Prince flying for him Yamcha was a little late to defend himself and soon had punches and kicks raining down on him as Vegeta began to pummel him into the stage ground.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH! SHE IS **MY** WOMAN! I'VE ALREADY WARNED YOU ABOUT MAKING ADVANCES ON MY MATE! I KNEW YOU WERE STUPID BUT I GAVE YOU A LITTLE MORE CREDIT THEN THAT!"

"OW! BUT VEGET-OW I DIDN'T! OW-SHIT! THAT HURT! WILL SOMEBODY HELP ME OUT HERE!" Yamcha screamed at the Z Team from the wreckage of stage chairs and unconscious audience members, who had had the misfortune of sitting too close to Yamcha.

The other Z members had slinked off to the sides a little to avoid Vegeta's wrath and were now looking on at poor Yamcha with great pity and very little guilt.

"Uh, shouldn't we help him?" Krillen asked Piccolo.

"Well, go ahead."

"What! Me? Uh…why don't you? You're the strongest out of us!"

Piccolo stole a glance at Vegeta who was going right for Yamcha's jugular. "…Fuck that." He muttered.

Fortunately for Yamcha, Goku was soon on the scene and managed to pull Vegeta off of Yamc-well…what was left of Yamcha.

"VEGETA ENOUGH! YOU'RE GOING TO KILL HIM!" Goku yelled at Vegeta as he wriggled free of his grip and went back to dismantling Yamcha.

He stopped suddenly and looked around at Goku. "Kakarot, that's the whole damn point!"

"Vegeta! You get your butt right back down to this stage mister!" Bulma yelled.

"Shut up woman, you're not the boss of me!"

She began to tap her foot impatiently, "I'm waiting!"

Vegeta growled under his breath and shoved Goku out of the way as he flew back down to the stage.

"Hmm, maybe we should have hired Bulma for bodyguard." Jerry mumbled to himself from the other side of the studio room.

Yamcha was rushed away by paramedics along with a few audience members whilst Goku and the Z Team all resumed their seats.

"Vegeta I cant believe you just did that! I wasn't cheating on you with Yamcha!"

"You weren't?"

"No! Do you really think that I'd get better emotional compatibility with _Yamcha_ then I would with you?"

Vegeta looks smug, "Humph, I didn't think so. I'm far better then that weakling in every aspect." He stated crossing his arms.

Bulma rolled her eyes, "Look, you're a great man Vegeta and you know that (though-I-wish-you-didn't-sometimes-because-your-ego-is-out-of-control) but I've found the one person one this planet who _can_ top you."

Vegeta whips around to face Goku.

"No Vegeta, I mean top you when it comes to understanding me emotionally."

Vegeta stops sizing up Goku and turns back to face Bulma. "Oh really, who?"

"Let's bring out Bulma's secret lover!" Jerry called from the very edge of the studio; he didn't dare move any further into Vegeta's eye-line.

(The crowd cheer in anticipation and go completely wild when Bulma's lover comes through the doorway)

Vegeta gapes as his woman and her lover embrace each other passionately and kiss in front of him.

**Author's Notes: **Man, I love doing this to you guys. Cliffhangers galore! Mwhaha, who is Bulma's lover? Find out **tomorrow night** on cheesy narrator voice DragonBall-er, Raunchy Relationships and Saucy Secrets!

Vegeta "Hey! Wait just a damn minute! Where the hell was that threesome you promised me!"

Oojo "Well, I tried to include it in this chapter but then it turned out too long. So it'll be in the next one instead."

Vegeta "Don't you think you've made me wait long enough?"

Oojo "One more night wont kill you Vegeta."

Vegeta "No, no it wont…But I can't say the same thing for you."

Oojo gulps nervously


	6. Chapter 6

**Last time:**

(The crowd cheer in anticipation and go completely wild when Bulma's lover comes through the doorway)

Vegeta gapes as his woman and her lover embrace each other passionately and kiss in front of him.

Vegeta opens his mouth to speak, or yell, or scream, anything, but finds that for once in his life he's speechless. Goku, on the other hand, was not: "CHI CHI!" he said standing up in shock.

Chi Chi stops kissing and groping Bulma to turn to face him, "Oh! Goku! Um…hi honey. What are you doing out here already? Weren't we were gonna call him out as a guest?" she asked Bulma, fixing up her lipstick with her finger. 

"Well yeah but Trunks suggested that Goku take over Steve's job because of Vegeta's violent 'tendencies.' I didn't know about it until I was brought out."

Vegeta and Goku glanced at each other, then at the women, then at each other again before erupting.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?"

"HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?"

"DON'T I TREAT YOU RIGHT?"

"WE HAVE A FAMILY!"

"ENOUGH!" Chi Chi screamed exasperated at the two hollering men.

"Sit down and we'll explain everything!" Bulma yelled, taking a seat herself.

Chi Chi sat in the chair besides her but the men stayed standing, Vegeta because of his anger and Goku because of his state of shock.

"B-but Chi Chi…I understand why Bulma would do this to Vegeta but why would you do this to me? I'm a good guy!"

"Watch it Kakarot." Vegeta growled in his dangerously low tone.

"Goku, you're a good husband and I love you so dearly but you're just never home! You're always off fighting, or sparring, or in space, or on a different planet, or dead! What about your family and me! And whenever there's danger around you drop everything and run head first into it. Again completely forgetting about the kids and me. It's not your job to protect this planet Goku!"

(The crowd mutter in confusion: "Space?" "Other planets?" "Dead?")

"But if I don't do it who will?"

"I don't care! You're always risking your life for the people of this planet who will never know what you do for them, who will never be able to appreciate it and who you will probably never even meet in your lifetime! Whilst at home you have a lonely, heart-broken wife sitting in her empty house which is out in the middle of nowhere cooking and cleaning whilst her children are rebelling against her!"

(The crowd let out a sympathetic ahh)

"Gee, I'm so sorry you feel this way Chi Chi." Goku said softly whilst scratching the back of his head guiltily. "But it still doesn't really explain this whole thing with Bulma."

"Well, I know I'm not in the exact same boat as Chi Chi. Vegeta is always around but the way he acts towards me during the day he may as well not be! He doesn't show any affection towards me during the day or in front of anyone and I often feel very lonely in our relationship."

"So during the day when Goku is training and Vegeta has locked himself up in that gravity room Bulma would often call me to chat, soon the calls became more and more frequent and we'd talk about our men and how lonely we were. Soon we started visiting each other more often and well…we just started getting closer and closer." Chi Chi finished with a sly look at Bulma.

"This. Is. Too. Much." Vegeta said sitting down in his chair and gently pinching the bridge of his nose. Trying to stop the headache that had been threatening to erupt in his skull since his son had revealed the first secret.

"Well, um Vegeta?" Bulma asked timidly.

He turned to her, "What? Got something else to reveal to me today?" he asked sarcastically. "What is it this time? You're really a man? You have a fetish for toilet brushes? You've done some nude modelling for the turtle pervert? You-"

"Vegeta! Don't be gross!" She interrupted. "God, Master Roshi? Please, I have some standards ya know!"

(A stray sound of an old man's indignant 'humph' and some quiet chuckling is heard from the audience)

"Actually Vegeta, before you so rudely interrupted, I was about to ask you something."

"Ask me something? ASK ME SOMETHING? How dare you even consider asking something of me after you have just put me through all this shit on national television!"

Bulma flashed him a bold smirk, much like his own. "Well, me and Chi Chi had been talking about including you in our little 'sexual entanglements,' ya know…as in a threesome."

(The crowd hoots and cheers with excitement)

"But you're right, how dare I ask something of you after all you've been through today…Hey Chi, what about Goku instead?"

"What? Wait! Uh…are you serious?" He asked suspiciously.

Chi Chi and Bulma nodded grinning ear to ear, Goku, however wasn't exactly looking to thrilled.

"Uh, Chi? Honey?" He asked timidly from his seat.

"Oh, I'm sorry Goku it's just that…well, from what Bulma has told me Vegeta is excellent in bed and has no problem getting dirty and kinky." She said stealing a quick glance at the shocked Saiyan Prince.

_(The ladies in the crowd cheer and wolf-whistle at him)_

Vegeta's cheeks tint a little and he delicately clears his throat whilst sending a 'you'll-pay-for-this-later' look to Bulma.

"Don't get me wrong Goku, you're a fantastic lover too, it must be a Saiyan thing, but you're too…nice."

"B-but Chi! I'm only 'nice' during sex because…well, I thought you liked it that way. Don't get me wrong Chi but I would have loved to have gotten dirty and tried new things with you but I always thought that you were…well, a little buttoned-down and not into all that stuff."

"Well, it just shows how much you know about me Goku. As a mother I have to act that way! It would have been an improper influence on the boys otherwise."

By this time Vegeta had regained his composure and was now wearing a very snide smirk on his face.

"Well well well, it looks as though Kakarot cant please his woman enough to keep her around. Whereas I have been such a 'performer' with mine that I have actually _gained_ another!" he said wryly.

He ignored the hurt look on Goku's face and continued, "So, ladies. When you say you wish to include me in your…" Chuckle. "_Sexual entanglements_, what **exactly** do you mean?" He looked over at a very forlorn Goku. "Word for word now so that we can **_all_** understand **exactly** what this includes."

The two women exchanged devious looks and gestured to the stage director for Bulma's previous striper music to be played.

(The crowd started going berserk whilst Goku looked on in a mix of horror and heartbreak)

They stood up and removed the chairs from either side of Vegeta and circled him slowly as though sharks would to their prey. Vegeta merely raised a brow in amusement and made sure to make eye contact with Goku frequently. Just to rub it in that little bit more. _'Excellent, I ask for a thorough description to tease Kakarot and instead I get the action right here on stage in front of him! This is too good!'_

Chi Chi stopped behind him and leant down, (making sure that her half exposed breasts brushed against Vegeta's cheek) to pull of his black top.

Bulma helped from the front, making sure to rake her nails teasingly across his skin as she did so.

Chi Chi pulled the top off over Vegeta's head (and hair) and then swung it over her own before hurling it into the crowd at a group of drooling women. They all scrambled for it as if it were the bouquet at a wedding and ended up trying to kill each over it, though nobody noticed. All eyes were following the two women, Vegeta and his now-exposed, incredibly muscular chest.

Bulma gently took his hand and tugged him up to stand on his feet, he was more then happy to comply with her for once.

Bulma leant up and kissed him whilst Chi Chi was inspecting the new set of abs that she would have to play with. She gently kissed at the skin, nipping here and there and worked her way slowly up to Vegeta's neck. The two women broke away from what they were doing briefly to give each other a kiss and grope before resuming on Vegeta.

(The crowd started yelling themselves hoarse)

Chi Chi trailed her tongue around to the back of Vegeta's neck and began to massage and kiss at his shoulders. In her own time, moving down lower and lower.

Bulma, still kissing Vegeta, trailed her hand down Vegeta's chest and stomach, stopping at the top of his leather pants.

She tugged at the button until it came undone and was halfway through unzipping him when Jerry started yelling.

"Uh, ok guys! GUYS? That's enough now! Uh, we'll be right back after this commercial." He said turning back to the very flustered looking cameraman and signalling for him to stop recording by slicing his throat with his finger.

"Ok you three just settle down and take your seats."

The women reluctantly stopped what they were doing and Vegeta growled up at Jerry narrowing his eyes menacingly at the host.

"Uh…please?" Jerry pleaded, beginning to sweat under Vegeta's glare.

(The crowd boos at Jerry: "Aw come on man! The women haven't taken it off yet!" "Damn, it was gonna be a free live porno.")

Less then happy all three of them sat back down in their seats, once they had been moved back into place for them of course.

Both Bulma and Chi Chi looked a little flushed from a mix of their slight arousal and embarrassment at their lack of self-control. Vegeta just looked pissed. _'Damnit, **one** thing finally goes right for me on this stupid-ass show and that idiot host has to ruin it for me!'_

"Ten seconds Jerry." A stage assistant yelled.

"Ok." He replied, straightening his tie and getting ready to shoot the next segment.

**Author's Notes: **Well, finally Vegeta has something go his way on the show! Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter; I even made it a little longer to make up for the short one last time. Hope you enjoyed it too Veggie

Vegeta "Actually, I did. Though I wish you hadn't had Jerry stop it so soon, we barely got started. I even wrote up a list of things I wanted you to include into the threesome for me." Rummages around in his leather pants' pocket, pulls out a rolled up piece of paper and hands it to Oojo

Oojo unrolls the ten metres worth of paper and begins to read "Um-hm…um-hm…oh, that's a good one…. why didn't _I_ think of that?…wow…heh, that's cruel…. god Vegeta, you're **filthy**!"

Vegeta smirks proudly "I know."


	7. Chapter 7

**Last time:**

Both Bulma and Chi Chi looked a little flushed from a mix of their slight arousal and embarrassment at their lack of self-control. Vegeta just looked pissed. _'Damnit, **one** thing finally goes right for me on this stupid-ass show and that idiot host has to ruin it for me!'_

"Ten seconds Jerry." A stage assistant yelled.

"Ok." He replied, straightening his tie and getting ready to shoot the next segment.

Bulma and Chi Chi quickly fixed each other's lipstick giggling whilst Vegeta just crossed his arms and pouted.

Trunks and Goten had slipped off of the stage after Vegeta had attacked Yamcha and were now watching on one of the monitors in the dressing room.

The Z Team were sitting in stunned silence whilst Master Roshi was struggling against Krillen and Oolong to get out of his seat and down to the stage where all the action was going on.

The rest of the audience were being directed to quieten down by the stagehands so that the new segment would have a quiet beginning for Jerry.

"Ok Jerry. In 5, 4, 3, 2, and."

"Hello and welcome back to the show. For those of you who have just tuned in-"

'You may as well tune out again because this story is too damn fucked up.' Jerry thought to himself.

"-we've been talking to Vegeta who has been brought on the show today, originally by his son Trunks whom revealed to his father that he was gay and involved with his father's mortal enemy's son. He was also brought on the show by his wife-" Vegeta stood up. "-er, mate! By his mate!" He quickly corrected. He sighed in relief as Vegeta sat back down. "Whom revealed to him that she had been dancing for business men at her father's company to influence negotiations and she has also just revealed to him that she has been cheating on him with his arch rivals wife. But the ladies have invited Vegeta to join them in a threesome fashion and it appears as though he may just do that. But how does Goku feel about this? Goku?"

Goku, who had been sitting at the front watching his wife with Bulma and Vegeta looked up at Chi Chi with sad puppy dog eyes.

"Chi Chi, I thought you loved me." He sniffed.

"Oh Goku!" she ran out of her chair and down to Goku. She hugged him tightly and he hugged back near tears.

_(The crowd ahh's)_

Vegeta just snorted in disgust at the display.

"Of course I love you Goku! Don't you ever think otherwise!" she suddenly scolded but then softened again. "Trust me when I say that you have my heart."

"Humph, yeah but it looks like I have your body." Bulma quickly slapped a hand over Vegeta's mouth and nodded at Chi Chi to continue.

"But, why are you doing this to me Chi?"

"It's just sex honey, nothing more and nothing less. Bulma and me care for each other and share a great deal in common but we just aren't in love in that way. And as for Vegeta…" she looked back at him. "Well, uh…he's Vegeta." She shrugged.

Vegeta's scowl deepened.

"So are you still gonna have the threesomes with them?" he asked hoping for a 'no.'

"Are you still gonna risk your butt at the drop of a hat and spend all day training?"

"Well…yeah I have to."

"Then I have to fulfil my needs elsewhere."

"But I can be dirty too…well, I'll try."

"Oh Goku I appreciate you saying that but I know-and you know that you're far too sweet and innocent for that."

There was an uncomfortable pause before Goku spoke again. "Well…it's just sex right?" Chi Chi nodded. "And you and Bulma don't love each other?" Both Chi Chi and Bulma nodded. "And this keeps you happy?" Chi Chi nodded again. "Well…as long as you're still mine, still love me and will always be there for me like you have been in the past and most importantly…are happy, then I guess I have no choice but to accept this."

"Oh Goku!" Chi Chi kissed him. "You're the sweetest, most forgiving man I've ever known!"

_(The crowd applauses the embracing couple)_

"What an idiot." Vegeta muttered to Bulma.

"Yeah I know, but that's Goku for ya. He's so merciful, sympathetic and-"

"-And one whipped Saiyan."

"Got that right."

Chi Chi sat back down beaming and Goku sat there in his seat grinning goofily back at her.

"Well, it appears as though that has been settled now. Goku are you really going to accept this?" Jerry asked.

"Yeah I will. I know that Chi Chi's heart is still mine and that's all that matters."

_(The crowd ahh again)_

"Chi Chi and Bulma are you going to carry on with your 'relationship?'"

"Yep, but we'll include Vegeta now that we know he's willing." Bulma replied placing her hand over Vegeta's.

"Chi Chi, how do you feel about finding out that your youngest son is gay?"

"Well, like my Goku said; as long as he's happy then I'm happy too. Though I knew I shouldn't have made him study those books on human nature and homosexuality."

"And what about you Vegeta? Will you accept this change in your son and try to better your relationship with him?"

"Do you think I'm some kind of idiot? Of course I wo-" He was nudged in his side by Bulma's elbow. "er-**will** accept it and will _try_ to be nicer to the boy." Bulma smiled sweetly at him.

"Bulma will you continue to dance for the business men at your father's company?"

"Well, um…" she looked over at Vegeta who raised an expectant brow at her. "I-I'll quit, for Vegeta's sake." He grinned at her and they kissed sweetly.

_(The crowd ahh once more but quickly shut up when Vegeta starts to glare out at them)_

"Well then it looks as if all of these issues have been settled and all of the secrets between families and family members have finally been aired. In our final segment, after the break, we shall be taking questions from the audience. Don't go away."

**Author's Notes:** Well then my audience, if you have **any** questions for any of today's guest feel free to post them up in your reviews

Vegeta "I have a question for Kakarot."

Oojo "Oh, really? What is it?"

Vegeta "Kakarot, when I'm fucking your wife would you rather I use a ribbed condom or a-"

Oojo slaps a hand over his mouth "VEGETA! THAT'S ENOUGH!"

Vegeta merely grins at her from behind her hand

Oojo turns back to her audience "Well, the sooner you guys get going on those questions the sooner I can get the next chapter up and then you'll get to read the final chapter: Jerry's final thought…on the most fucked up show he's ever hosted in his lifetime."

**I am aware that this is in fact the 2nd time I've posted this story and that previous reviews/audience questions have been lost. The original posting was deleted, not sure why. So the next chapter is based on real questions reviewers asked.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Notes: **Thanks to all of those who have posted a question and/or a review! And my apologies if you've posted a question the same night I've written this chapter. As you know, it can take up to 24 hours for a review to appear and I may have missed it by accident.

**Last time:**

"Well then it looks as if all of these issues have been settled and all of the secrets between families and family members have finally been aired. In our final segment, after the break, we shall be taking questions from the audience. Don't go away."

The cameraman cut there and started setting up for audience shots whilst Jerry wiped his brow and sighed. 'God these people are fucked up…especially that Vegeta guy. What a temper problem.'

The audience muttered amongst themselves whilst all of the guests from backstage were brought back and re-seated. Soon enough the stage director was counting down the seconds for Jerry.

"And five, four, three…"

"Hello and welcome back to the show, let's get right on with questions from the audience for today's guests."

He looks around at the crowd members with their hands eagerly thrust up into the air and spots a sly, evil looking young lady sitting near the back. He quickly trots over to her and holds the microphone up to her smirking face.

"Uh, yeah. I have a few questions for the Veggie-Weggie-Butt-Head."

Vegeta audibly groans on stage. "Don't you have a hobby woman? We all know your just bitter and frustrated because you want me but cant have me."

"WHAT? Why I ought to-"

"Wait, you two know each other?" Jerry interrupted.

"Well kinda. He **is** the victim of my next evil plot after all." She shrugged.

Jerry looked more then a little perplexed so Vegeta 'kindly' clued him in. "She's SnowyFoxx, a.k.a ErraticVixen. She keeps on _acting_ like she hates me-which is quite impossible for one of the female gender-and is playing this 'hard to get' thing with me cause she wants me so bad." He crossed his arms and smirked evilly at her.

"…Are you done dabbling in your little fantasy world now Veggie-head? I'd like to get on with my questions." She asked in a bored tone but wisely continued talking so as not to give him the chance to give another rude comeback. "My first question; why haven't I killed you yet?"

"Because you **cant,** you weakling."

_(The crowd ooh's)_

She mutters something under her breath but a few 'colourful' words drift loud enough over the microphone to be heard. "Another one for you Vegeta; are you **really** that pathetic?

_(The crowd ooh again)_

"ME PATHETIC? What about you? You're a crazy woman that needs to be locked away or better yet…eliminated." He got up from his seat cracking his knuckles and started to walk into the crowd towards her.

In his still topless state a few of the ladies he passed were having trouble keeping their hands to themselves, Goku took advantage of Vegeta's distraction and pulled him back on stage before he could get any closer to SnowyFoxx.

"Kakarot! For the last damn time-get off of me! I'm gonna kill that little psycho bitch!" he yelled, not taking his eyes off of her.

She waved tauntingly at him whilst Goku flung him back into his seat.

"Don't think this is over!" he growled at her.

"We'll see Veggie, we'll see. Anyways, I have one more question but this one is for Oojo; I wanna know all the 200 some odd things that you can do to Vegeta."

Oojo stands up from one of the front rows in the audience and smiles up at her. "Well, I just happened to bring my list with me." She smiles and pulls out a large sheet of paper with a long list of things written on it. "Oh, I did have this one idea where I was gonna have Goku **join** Vegeta's threesome and then I had this other one where Vegeta and Goku got together out of spite against their wives' affair and then I had this _other_ idea wher-"

"ENOUGH! And what are _you_ doing here anyways?" Vegeta interrupted.

"What do you mean what am _I_ doing here? This is my fic I can be wherever I want to."

"Hell no you cant, this is _my_ fic! I'm the star! I'm the one everyone came to see…. er, read."

"Oh yeah? Well we'll just see about that the next time I decide to write a fic then huh? Maybe I'll do one starring Goku!"

"Fine, do one about Kakarot. No one will read a cutesy little story about that goody-goody, bottomless-pitted moron!"

"They will if Goku steals Bulma from you in the fic!"

"WHAT? WHY YOU LITTLE BI-"

"WOAH WOAH! Ok guys settle down now, you can sort this out when you two get home but for now lets get on with the questions from the audience, ok?"

Neither of them answered Jerry and sat back down in their seats glaring daggers at each other.

Jerry spotted another young lady from the audience that seemed to have something promising to say. "Uh, yes. You young lady, what's your question.?"

"Um, hi. Well my name is sexy-anime-goddess and I just wanted to ask Vegeta a question; Forget Bulma Veggie, will you have my baby?"

_(The crowd whoops and whistles) _

Vegeta broke out of his glaring contest with Oojo abruptly and looked over at sexy-anime-goddess in surprise. _'I can't have heard what I thought I did.'_

"I wasn't paying attention human, repeat your question."

"Forget Bulma, will you have _my_ baby?" she repeated coyly.

"HEY! He's _my_ husband and _my_ man! You can't have him!" Bulma yelled.

"Well technically Bulma, in these fics I actually consider him as **my** property." Oojo said casually from her seat.

"Shut up bitch, yo-" Vegeta slapped a hand over Bulma's mouth before she could say anymore.

"I believe **I** can answer for **myself**, thank you _ladies _And Bulma, I'd appreciate it if you didn't piss off the Oojo, I do a good enough job of it myself, I really don't need your help in giving her the fuel to torture me in these fics!"

He cleared his throat and turned back to sexy-anime-goddess. "Well, to be perfectly honest two brats are _more_ then enough but I don't have any objections to forgetting about _this_ woman." He said gesturing over to Bulma who was still struggling to get his hand off of her mouth.

"GREAT! Well in that case I have a question for you Vegeta." Said a lady standing up from a seat beside sexy-anime-goddess. Jerry moved over a little bit and held the microphone up for her.

Vegeta shifted his intense gaze from sexy-anime-goddess to this new woman, making her just a little nervous under his powerful glare.

"Well, uh. My name is Jennifer and whilst we're on the subject of forgetting Bulma; can _I_ be your mate? You're **so** hot and I'd love to be with you."

(The crowd start whistling and catcalling again.)

Vegeta smirked broadly at the two women as his ego tripled and let his voice slip into his sultry tone...you know the one. "Well ladies, there's plenty of me to go around. I'm sure that-"

"-Sure that you can back off you little hoes! He's mine!" Bulma interrupted, finally prying Vegeta's hand away from her mouth.

"Bulma, if it's ok for you to have 'just sex' with Chi Chi then I don't see what's wrong with me having my own little fun with these willing women."

"Well…it's because…its just…damnit, you just cant and that's final!"

"…Shut up woman. I'll do what I want." And with that he slapped his hand back over her mouth.

"Uh, before we carry on, if there are any other people here who want to ask if they can get with Vegeta or have his children could you please lower you hands?" asked Jerry.

Groaning, the majority of the people with their hands up reluctantly lowered them and Jerry made his way over to the next audience member for a question.

"Hi, I'm Sapphire Android and I have two questions. One's directed to anyone in general whom can answer it, um…how come Goku's such a brainless baka?"

Chi Chi made an indignant noise from her seat. "My Goku is **not** a brainless baka."

"Aww, thanks Chi." Goku said casting a loving glance at his wife.

Vegeta scoffed at the couple. "Kakarot is such a brainless baka because he's a third-class loser with a quarter of the mental capacity of Nappa and the sentimentality of a 3 year old human."

"Vegeta that's not very nice." Goku pouted from his seat.

"No, it's not." He answered back.

"And my second question is for Vegeta; how the hell can you wanna screw Chi Chi? I'm gonna puke!"

"HOW DARE YOU! YOU LOOK NO BETTER YOURSELF YOU LITTL-" Vegeta slapped his other hand over Chi Chi's mouth to muffle her screaming.

"The question was directed towards **me**, can you two settle down now?" Bulma and Chi Chi nodded and Vegeta lifted his hands away. "Well to answer your question; I suppose that she's ok to screw…if you shut out the sound of her voice…and not look at her face too much…and if you squint your eyes she kinda looks ok…from a distance…hell she has a body-what more do you want for a cheap screw?"

"Cheap? CHEAP? YOU SHORTASS LITTE TROLL WANNABE! YOU'RE NOT A PRIZE PIG YOURSELF YA KNOW!"

"Oh yeah? I have a few women up there who seem to think otherwise." He said gesturing up towards Jennifer and sexy-anime-goddess.

"THEY DON'T COUNT! They're probably delusional…or insane…or both! And how **dare** you have the nerve to imply that I'm ugly! Goku what do you have to say about this?"

Caught off guard Goku began stuttering for an answer. "Well, uh…heh. Don't pay Vegeta any mind honey you know how he's like. Just calm down."

"Calm down? This little twerp just called me, your wife, ugly and cheap and all you can do is sit there in your own little world and tell me to CALM DOWN?"

"Well, uh…yeah?"

Infuriated she pounced from her seat onto him, knocking over his seat and spilling them both to the floor.

(The crowd start chanting 'Jerry, Jerry, Jerry.')

"OW! Chi please! Ouch! Honey please stop!" Goku cried with his hands up in surrender as his wife sat atop him and pummelled him into the floor.

Vegeta laughed heartily at the scene as the other security guards pulled Chi Chi off of Goku and carried her kicking and screaming backstage.

Goku breathed a sigh of relief as his wife disappeared from view and turned to face Vegeta from his place on the floor.

"To think! The great Kakarot!" Chuckle. "-The Super Saiyan, the golden-hearted saviour of the universe, **defeated**!" Chuckle. "And by his scrawny, shrew of a mate! We should have called **her** to the battlegrounds when we were facing the androids and Cell! Or maybe even had her take care of Majin Buu for us!" Vegeta mocked between laughs.

Nursing his sore head, Goku ignored Vegeta and sat back down in his seat.

"Um, I have a question."

Everyone turned their attention to the audience member speaking. "Well, my name's Goat and I just wanted to ask this question to anyone on stage whom can answer it…What is the meaning of life?"

(The crowd, the guests and Jerry do an anime flop…but not Vegeta, he's too cool for that…of course.)

After they all recovered the all gave Goat a 'sweatdrop' and a look.

"Hey, it's a question." He shrugged.

Shaking his head Jerry turned to the camera. "We'll be right back after this with my final thought."

**Author's Notes:** If I've included a penname in there as an audience member please note that the questions they asked were theirs but I'm the one who wrote their speech and responses to fit them into the fic so if they have said/done anything that is in anyway offensive then it is entirely **my** fault not theirs. Please don't take it too seriously, it's all meant in good fun

Vegeta "Uh, Oojo."

Oojo "Yes m'dear Veggikins?"

Vegeta "You weren't serious about writing a fic about Kakarot stealing Bulma from me…were you?"

Oojo "No of course not."

Vegeta "Really?"

Oojo "Yeah. Don't get me wrong, it's a cool idea and all but I just couldn't write it."

Vegeta "Why?"

Oojo "Because I'm dedicated to writing fics only about my favourite character."

Vegeta "…who's that?"

Oojo rolls her eyes at him "You, my silly little Saiyan."

Vegeta "Oh, well…of course! I didn't really believe that you could love another character more then I." Smirks

In a sarcastic tone "Oh well, with an attitude like that how **could** I love any other character more then you?"

Vegeta "Exactly."

Oojo sighs


	9. Chapter 9

**Last time:**

Shaking his head Jerry turned to the camera. "We'll be right back after this with my final thought."

"Aaand cut."

Jerry sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly. He made his way backstage to talk to the stage director and to read through the final thought that they had come up with backstage. 'They're a bunch of geniuses if they've come up with one to suit this bunch of rejects.'

The crowd began to mutter amongst themselves and the guests on stage soon followed suit.

"You see that woman?"

"See what Vegeta?" Bulma asked.

"I could have practically every woman in this audience! You had better not cheat on me with anyone else or I may just have to find myself a new playmate."

"Oh pa-lease Vegeta! Two women! Count them! Two! And that other one up there hates you! But _I_ could have any _man_ I wanted from this audience."

"Dream on woman, no one wants your skanky ass."

"After the show I put on, (which-you-interrupted-remind-me-to-'thank'-you-for-that-later), I could have any guy here like that!" She snapped her fingers for emphasis.

"Uh-huh. Sure woman."

"Hey look, Chi's back."

Sure enough Chi Chi was being led back onstage and to her seat. Goku cringed a little as she shot him a look but she made no move to resume her attack…'Just yet anyways.' She thought to herself.

Jerry walked out and sat in his final thought chair ready to begin. The cameraman counted him in silently and Jerry began to read the final thought of the show from the prompter.

"Ya know, sometimes it's difficult to confront the ones we love with a secret that we have been hiding from them. It may not be a secret as drastic as any of the ones from today's show, but no matter how insignificant it may seem we need to air out these secrets before they fester into something far worse. But when a secret is revealed to us then we all must be as understanding and open-minded as possible-no matter how hard it may be. Because we have to appreciate how difficult it must have been for the other person to be honest with us."

Vegeta scoffed from on stage and Bulma quickly shushed him.

"We have to learn to be more aware of the things around us and the things that are affecting the _people_ around us. We must look out for our loved ones and catch them _before_ they slip into a depression or are pushed into a cheating situation. We have to-"

"-Ignore all the bullshit you're spouting and go home because you have a threesome waiting for you." Vegeta said standing up on stage.

_(The crowd gasp at him for daring to interrupt Jerry's final thought.)_

"Come on ladies, I've had enough of this crap for one day." He said offering a hand to both Chi Chi and Bulma.

Reluctantly they accepted and the three began to walk towards the backstage area to leave.

Bulma quickly turned back to Jerry, "I'm sorry. Vegeta doesn't mean to be rude. He's just a very complicated man." She said apologetically.

Vegeta rolled his eyes at her. "Wrong." And with that he tugged her backstage and they left the studio through the backdoors.

Flabbergasted and at a loss for words Jerry gaped after them. Along with Trunks, Goten, Goku and the rest of the audience.

"Uh, I guess that's the end of the show. Take care of yourself, and each other. Goodnight."

**Author's Notes**: Well, sorry the last chapter was a short, anti-climax but I hope that you enjoyed the fic as a whole. I did have a full final thought written out but then I thought; '_Vegeta **so** wouldn't sit through this.'_

A special thanks to my reviewers for their comments and/or questions and please keep the reviews coming so that I can continue to improve my writing from your feedback.

Vegeta "Yeah, you had better keep reviewing 'cause god knows she needs the feedback to improve her terrible writing skills."

Oojo "Thanks, I love you two Veggie."

Vegeta "If you call me 'Veggie' **_one_** more time woman I swear I'll-"

Oojo "-I just had a great idea for a fic." Settles down in front of her laptop. "Care to give me anymore 'fuel' for your torture?"

Vegeta motions zipping his lips and crosses his arms in annoyance.

Oojo "Good, that ought to buy me at least a few hours of golden silence. Until next time my loyal readers"


End file.
